That feeling before a leap.
Driving away from the post office, I felt a fire in me. I had dropped off my passport application and I was heading home. Driving the same car on the same highways and it all felt monumental and new. My passport expired in 2015. I hadn’t used it since…2005? I forgot to check what my last trip was before the post office employee put it in an envelope and sent it off. That was a lifetime ago. I was living in NYC and traveled for work and for play to Hong Kong and Japan. Epic trips made by someone else. I live in a different city on a different coast, have different people in my life. And though I feel like I’m traveling the same internal roads that catch me like tires in a rut, I know that I’m actually on a spiral staircase moving forward and onward. I’m worlds away from who I was before. I know I have grown. I feel it in my belly.
I’m on the cusp of becoming, I can feel it. Culmination. Fruition. Effect. All words that make sense to me in this moment. I’ve been coming to this point because of everything I’ve gone through, all the journeying I’ve done. I’m shaking just a bit in my seat. I’m shimmying with the vibration of the ignited engines. Sparks are just beginning to fly around me. I am gripping the arm rests and taking deep breaths in preparation for the lift off.
I’m a sucker for symbol and this one hit me out of nowhere. I drove away from that post office knowing I would soon find my outside world morphing to match my inside transformation. I know I’ve said yes to that launch. I’m seeing through all my fears and told the universe that, yep, I’m ready, let’s do it. It’s a big change and I know it’s still in process, the equations are not quite completely solved, there are still steps to follow, actions to take, before I can get to experiencing the new daily world I’ve been cultivating that sees me burning a bit brighter, stepping more into my power. But the countdown has begun. This feeling of bubbling up excitement mixed with just the right amount of apprehension that makes you feel the most alive is delicious. I am savoring it. It’s a good time to pat myself on my back. I’ve done good, I’m doing good. I’m learning and growing! I’m just where I should be. Let’s keep going.
