The negative self-talk in those moments wasn’t great. I would feel like a loser because I was choosing safety and the need to feel comfortable over starting my day and choosing possibility. It always felt that stark.

Perimenopause exacerbated this dynamic to no end.

I would wake up BEFORE the alarm with that first hot flash of the day, feel alert and would think I could start my day. But the need to feel content and safe was overwhelming. I would lay there nestled in my comforter and anxiety would ramp up. Crazy, non sequitur anxiety. The doom and gloom just served to reinforce my need to stay still and quiet for as long as possible in my bed before I had to deal with things and manage people.